TO ARMS - THE RED COATS ARE COMING!
	At great danger to ourselves, and at no small expense, we present to you the heretofore unknown story of the TXRD bout commentators: Mr. Murphy's date of birth is unknown, but we were able to find that he is the son of a politician and a writer for the Old Farmer's Almanac, which has left him extremely accurate yet slightly unbalanced. Mr. Whiteley was born during the Kennedy administration, yet when pressed for more information, we were told that there are still Kennedys in office and that Mr. Whitely may have been born in 1982. In late '99 the two met in a seedy karaoke bar in Sepang, Malaysia. Mr. Whiteley was in Malaysia on business as he was a play-by-play announcer for various Grand Prix motorcycling events; Mr. Murphy was doing voiceover and consulting work for an asian game show to be broadcast on an American military television station. The meeting was set up by a woman that neither of the men had met before and would only give the name LG. Throughout the evening the two discussed many topics, including, but not limited to, cold air induction, the rise and subsequent fall in popularity of Madonna as a role model, and whether or not Jimmy 'Superfly' Snuka could take Terry 'Hulk' Hogan in a cage match. Between bad renditions of poorly composed songs the two tried to outdo each other in sake consumption, to the delight and chagrin of the bar's owner. They were escorted out of the establishment at dawn and stumbled into the nearest open bar, a sports booking joint specializing in lesser known sports such as lawnmower racing and monkey knife fights. The two overheard talk of a rebirth of women's roller rerby in the United States in Austin, Texas. This being a topic each new a fair bit about as Mr. Whiteley was from Texas and Mr. Murphy was from Chicago, the birthplace of roller derby, they decided that this may have been the reason that someone had wanted them to meet up. The two parted company later that afternoon with a plan to meet at a later date, each not sure when that would be as they had drank most of the establishment's sake and sang most of the work of Eddie Money. At a small skate rink in north Austin almost two years later their paths crossed again to fill a vacany in the commentary box. Most of this information was difficult to come by as neither party could be reached for comment. Mr. Whiteley was recently overheard to say to Mr. Murphy "Hey, remember when we met at that polo match at Newcastle on Tyne," to which Mr. Murphy replied "Who are you and why are we wearing these silly coats."